Until you find me
by firstdonoharm
Summary: Hameron. A night at the christmas gala that will change all things.Tragedy
1. Chapter 1

Hi! Thanks for reading my fic, I hope you enjoy. This story is already complete so the chapters will be published in quick succession. The characters do not belong to me; if they did then Huddy would be a completely alien concept. Hameron forever! Nic

**Until you find me**

1

**The course of true love never did run smooth-Shakespeare**

The annual Christmas gala was the bane of Gregory House's year. He despised them all, an innate reflex, but the Christmas gala was the top of his list. Nothing like fake Christmas cheer and enforced good deeds to get everyone acting like idiots on copious amounts of Prozac.

He picked his bow tie up from the dresser and tried to decipher the instructions once more. A knock on the door broke his current feeble attempt.

"The key is not an ornament" He shouted without taking his gaze off the mirror. Wilson's calm voice replied.

"I know longer have a key. You took it off me when I beat you at poker last week. Come on it's minus ten out her. Let me in"

Abandoning all hope of success House threw the bow tie back onto the dresser and slowly made his way towards the door without his cane the persistent knocking grating his nerves. He reached the door and opened it impatiently, not bothering to greet his friend.

Wilson entered, closing the door behind him and rubbing his hands together dramatically.

"It's not that cold" House protested.

"It's freezing. Real nice to leave your best friend to the mercy of the elements"

House turned towards him and rolled his eyes before returning his attention to the mirror.

"You look different ..." Wilson announced.

"Wait a minute, have you had a hair cut?"

House studied himself in the mirror and adjusted his hair under Wilson's scrutiny. He couldn't remember the last time it looked so tidy. Short back and sides and longer on the top, which he had spiked forward. He had to admit that it looked better.

"Relax Jimmy, you're not my type"

Wilson laughed.

"Yeah, I only cost $100 an hour"

The glare that House shot him made Wilson laugh even more. Annoyed by the attention House limped over to the sideboard, picked up the keys Wilson had placed there and threw them at him. He caught them, just.

"Just go and get the car started and I'll be out. Oh, and take the spare off the side on your way out you baby"

Wilson obliged and when House heard the door close he limped over to the mirror, checked his appearance once more and, retrieving his bow tie from the counter and cane from the sofa, followed after Wilson.

XXX

"Do you want me to help you with your bow tie?"

Wilson asked as they approached the entrance of the Grand Marriot Hotel.

"No mother, I'm fine. Stop fussing, If they throw me out then I'll just go to the bar"

Wilson laughed as House made a show of sighing deeply and looking wistfully towards the bar next door.

They entered and were immediately accosted by Cuddy. House, making his excuses, made his way to the restroom. The music resonated through the building and each room seemed to hum with the excitement of party goers. House checked his watch and began to calculate the minimum amount of time he could spend there before escaping. He removed his bow tie from his pocket and tried loop it around his neck without releasing his cane.

"I like your hair"

The sound of her voice made his head jolt up and the bow tie fall to the floor. She bent down to retrieve it and he took to opportunity to study her. She looked perfect. Beautiful blonde long curls softly falling over her bare shoulders. Her black dress fell into a deep V and he could see a soft dimple at the base of her spine. His gaze lingered there until she stood up, bow tie in hand. The dress clung to her every curve and the shallow V that exposed her neck and collar bone enticed him even more. A silver locket was nestled perfectly on her chest and he had to fight the urge not to take it in his fingers. When he caught her gaze once more she repeated her previous statement and he mumbled a shy thanks. She smiled and handed him the bow tie which he managed to loop around his neck successfully. Then, to his deepest surprise, she boldly stepped forward, took the two ends and began to tie it. He watched her, frozen; he could feel the warmth of her body teasing his own. His gaze lowered to her lips and he felt the unsettling urge to be closer to them. He leaned closer involuntary and could smell the sweet scent of wine on her warm breath. She was intoxicating. He felt her fingers brush his throat and their eyes immediately locked and time stood still for what seemed like eternity. Then she lowered her hands, bow tie perfect, and began to step backwards. The music began to filter through the haze once more and House released a breath that he hadn't realized he was holding. An enticing smile graced her red lips.

"You look....your hair looks good" She said in a low sultry tone before turning slowly and disappearing amongst the crowd.

XXX

He watched her dance trying without success to ignore the uncomfortable churning in the pit of his stomach. He reached for his glass and was disappointed to find it empty.

"Your round" He announced, bringing his glass down in front of Wilson.

"I brought the last round" Wilson protested. "It's your round"

House leant back in his chair and searched the floor for Cameron once more. Failing to locate her he turned his attention back to Wilson.

"I forgot my wallet"

Wilson shook his head and took a sip of his drink.

"No, you have your wallet. You checked into your room"

"I paid in advance" House countered.

Foreman stood up unsteadily, a half full glass in his hand.

"I'm buying. What does everybody want?"

Chase raised his glass, ordering himself another beer, followed by Wilson who ordered for himself and Cuddy. House's mind wandered back to Cameron and his eyes sort her on the dance floor once more. Finally giving up, he turned his attention back to the drinks order.

Cameron's voice startled him.

"I'll have a red wine if you're buying. Do you want a hand?"

"Shouldn't you be entertaining your whale?" House snapped spitefully.

Everyone's eyes shot towards him. He could see the line but was powerless to stop himself from going over it.

"His name is John and he's not a whale" Cameron answered calmly.

"Tell that to all the people who expected Ahab to come running in any minute" House retorted holding her gaze boldly.

He expected her back down, look away shyly, brush off his remarks .But she didn't.

"If you're jealous then you should have asked me to dance? You're damaged. Just my type, right?"

Silence descended upon the table and Foreman sat down in disbelief. House's gruff voice broke the silence.

"Yes, but I'm not dying, so I'm only half there"

The line was 200 miles behind him.

He saw her heart drop and hurt descend upon her features. He saw the glow evaporate from her and the tears beginning to glisten in her eyes.

It was moments like these that Gregory House despised himself.

She turned and hurried into the crowd. House hung his head and felt their eyes boring into him. He stood and raised his hand, silencing the onslaught of comments he knew would come.

He turned and made his way after her as fast as his leg would allow.

XXX

"Cameron!"

He shouted after her, his heart pounding. She ignored him. He continued after her, pushing his way through several disgruntled party goers.

"Cameron!"

His attempts were fruitless and her form continuing to disappear into the distance before him.

"That's it. Run away from cripple. Real fair"

She stopped by the elevator, beautiful hair bouncing playfully across her shoulders. e He increased his pace until he reached her, leg throbbing from his increased effort.

He finally reached her, pain shooting through his thigh.

"Please leave me alone"

Her tone was low and punctuated by the tapping of the elevator button. He moved closer to her, resting his free hand against the wall to ease the pain in his throbbing thigh.

"I'm sorry. I crossed the line...."

"Please go" she pleaded.

The whirl of the elevator drew closer and she pressed the button faster.

"Cameron" He pleaded softly.

The force of her palm met his face. He stood shocked but he could not deny that he deserved it. Slowly he raised his gaze to meet hers. He expected to see sorrow. But he was greeted with anger.

The raising of their voices turned several heads who observed them momentarily.

When she spoke her voice dripped with anger.

"Just because you don't want me it doesn't mean that you can tear me apart"

The elevator doors opened and she disappeared inside. He followed, surprised by how much he wanted to make this right. She turned to him, sadness enveloping her anger once more.

"What do you want House?"

But he had no words. The door closed softly and they were alone, no more hungry eyes watching them from behind a smile.

"House?"

But his only answer was the force of his lips upon her own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, as a huge thank you for my super fast reviewers with their lovely comments here is the next chapter. Thanks, Nic**

**2**

**Men at sometime are the masters of their fate-Shakespeare**

The shrill of police sirens stirred House from his slumber. His body ached and his head pounded. He slowed his breathing as the memories of the night before flooded his mind like the sun on a beautiful summer day.

He remembered his lips crashing into hers and the soft murmur that escaped from her mouth, the softness of her hair as he pulled her closer and the curve of her hips as they stumbled into his room, the taste of her skin as he feasted upon her neck and the coolness of her lips as she feasted on his. The way his fingers trembled as he urgently undid her dress and the way her fingers trembled as she ran her hands over his bare chest and the perfect abyss that enveloped him when they finally came together. The feel of her breasts as she joined him in the shower, hands running along the crater in his thigh, hopeful of relieving some of his pain and the pout in her lips when she finally succumbed to sleep. Then he remembered watching her; her chest rising and falling gently and the fluttering of her eyelashes as she dreamt. Then he remembered silently watching her leave as the sun had begun to rise and the loss that he felt, uncomfortable, foreign and unwelcomed.

He sighed; he was in deeper than he could ever have imagined.

XXX

The door of the conference room swung open as Dr Gregory House entered. His eyes quickly flicked to the table but he was only met with Foreman and Chase's curious stares.

"You're early" Foreman stated with an air of disbelief.

"My plan was to sneak in a fill your stockings before you arrived but now you've ruined it spoil sports"

House ended dramatically by throwing his bag onto the table. Foreman smiled and shook his head. House took off his jacket and threw it on top of his bag and headed over to the coffee machine.

"So I only see two of my elves. Where's the third?"

He asked trying to sound as nonchalant as he could muster.

"Cameron's in A&E. They were swamped" Chase answered back while grabbing a bagel off a plate on the table.

House hoped that the disappointment that surged through him was not evident on his features. He sipped his coffee and hooked his cane onto the whiteboard.

"So, two men walk into a bar and one goes into cardiac arrest..."

XXX

The ER buzzed with the usual drama of a seasonal holiday drunken Santa's, angry elves and randy Rudolph's. House scanned the havoc carefully and then he spotted her carefully helping a worse for wear college kid to his feet. He watched her and immediately wished they could be back in his hotel room once more. Finally, fighting the nervous butterflies that had uncomfortably gathered in his stomach, he marched towards her with more confidence than he felt.

"I like your hair"

Her head whipped around in surprise and he saw her cheeks flush red. She smiled shyly and shook her head.

"ER was swamped, sorry"

He leant forward, his voice lowering in intimacy.

"What was your excuse this morning?"

She threw him an embarrassed glance before excusing herself with the kid and walking into an empty exam room. He followed and when he closed the door behind him she stood to face him and crossed her arms over her chest defiantly. When she spoke her voice was powerful and decisive.

"Last night was ...good. But I don't expect us to live happily ever after now"

He held her stare trying to make her show her cards but she smiled and began to walk past him towards the door. He quickly stepped in her way, determined not to let her pull her great show off. He could smell the intoxicating smell of her and his memories of the previous night flooded back to him. His gaze flickered to her neck and he could just see the top of a mark he'd given her in the chaos of their passion. She pulled her collar subconsciously under his gaze. He leant forward and licked his lips instinctively. He heard her take a breath.

"It was great...not good" He purred, lips almost brushing hers. She leaned away.

"It was fantastic, not great, but it's not going to happen again. I don't expect you to be anything other than you"

With that she side stepped him, body boldly brushing his own and headed back into the chaos of the ER.

XXX

"What are you doing here?"

Cameron stood in her doorway, surprise etched on her face. House frowned and peered over her shoulder.

"Do you have company?" He enquired.

Her face returned his frown.

"No"

He peered over her shoulder once more feigning concern.

"I'm not sure. You sound elusive. Maybe I should come in and check"

With this he pushed past her, before she had a chance to protest and boldly stepped into her apartment.

"Come out and surrender now. I have a brilliant cane that would be no match for your futile weapons"

"House" Cameron protested, although he could tell that she was smiling. He turned to face her.

"It looks clear, but while I'm here I might as well stay for a coffee"

Cameron rolled her eyes and headed towards the kitchen. House followed her, pleased with his success.

"So, do you have any food in this joint?"

XXX

Twenty minutes later the Chinese takeaway arrived and House paid while Cameron brought in the cutlery. They settled on the couch and it amazed him how relaxed he felt. They ate in silence but it was comfortable, familiar. When they had finished, Cameron stood up, collected their plates, and headed towards the kitchen. House watched her go and settled back into the couch. He hadn't really thought past this point. He had felt compelled to come here but he hadn't thought past barging into her apartment. He hadn't expected to feel this comfortable. He had expected her to be needy but she had been anything but. She was not the person he had had dinner with 3 years ago; she was firmer, stronger but still all the things that made him weak. He had gone to her, he had tried to kiss her, he had shown up at apartment tonight and he had felt compelled to stay here. He stood up and rubbed his thigh. He looked at his cane before deciding to make do without it. Slowly he made his way to the kitchen. If she heard him enter she made no sign of it. He walked up behind her and saw her hands still in the water. Slowly, he placed his hands on the counter either side of her, careful not to touch her. He heard her breathing slow and when she didn't move away he took the invitation and slowly closed the distance between their bodies, placing a soft kiss on her neck. She moaned and exposed more of her neck to him; he kissed it willingly and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer.

"You know, you could have just said you wanted to come over"

Her voice was ragged and it pleased him that he could do this to her.

"You're right, I could have" He murmured in reply.


	3. Chapter 3

**Me again. Thank you once again for the wonderful reviews :-) Here is a fast update for AllyCameron, Thanks nic**

**3**

**Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for-Joseph Addison**

"She'll test positive for it" He stated in his typical arrogant tone.

Cameron smiled, briefly meeting his gaze before smiling to herself and returning her attention back to the patients file.

"No, she won't"

House walked up behind her and grabbed the chart from her grasp before slumping into his chair. She leant back against the doorframe and watched him scan the pages methodically. She laughed and he turned towards her, a smile gracing his features. He laughed.

"She'll test positive for it" He stated once more with confidence before resting the chart on his lap.

Cameron crossed her arms and smiled once more.

"Care to make this interesting?"

His eyes widened in surprise. She pushed herself off the doorframe and walked towards him.

"If you win..."She stated in a purposely low tone.

"You'll buy lunch for the next week plus special favours" He interjected, grinning and relaxing further into his chair.

She smiled and stepped closer to him, until her legs touched his own and she hovered over him. Her eyes were shrouded in mischief and when she spoke it was sultrier than before.

"Deal, but if I win..."

She leaned closer towards him, so close that her lips were almost touching his own and he felt his breath catch. She held his gaze and he felt his resolve begin to weaken. He licked his lips subconsciously and his gaze flickered to her lips.

"You'll just have to wait and see"

With that she pulled back, taking the chart from his lap with her. He exhaled a breath that he felt he had been holding forever.

The opening of the door startled them both and Cameron quickly stood upright and pulled the file towards her chest. House turned towards the intrusion and Wilson entered, stopping suddenly, surprised by the stillness of the room and Foreman and Chase's absence.

"Everything ok?"

She smiled and headed past Wilson and towards the door.

"He's just being a jerk like normal"

Wilson laughed and House raised his eyebrows surprised by her comment. But the smile she secretly threw him, more than made up for it.

One hour later he knew his fate as his phone began to vibrate:

**It was negative, my place 8pm.**

XXX

"So are you going to tell me my punishment? I'm happy with the sex slave route if you wanna go there..."

He threw her a grin and was rewarded by her pink scrub shirt landing on his head.

"However difficult that is to turn down i think I'll manage it"

She blew him a kiss and disappeared into the bedroom, bra already being removed. He watched her go, straining his neck with the effort. He got up and headed over to the cooler, familiarity a friend, and retrieved a coke.

"How much longer will you be, I thought you'd be ready by 7, you're always ready ridiculously early"

He shouted towards the bedroom, where he could now hear the shower running. He heard her humming and smiled to himself before taking his place back on the couch. 52 days and going strong. He heard the shower stop and took the opportunity to shout his question once more.

"There was an accident on fifth, so I had to help out"

He saw here naked form appear in the doorway.

"Do you think it will rain?"

He shook his head and got up, heading towards her.

"Don't think so, but maybe we should stay here just in case"

He reached for her but she quickly stepped back, swatting his hand away playfully.

"No, we'll be late and we can't be late"

He stepped towards her once more, this time managing to grab her wrist and pull her towards him, hands resting on her bum.

"We won't be late" He whispered into her neck, warm breath making her giggle. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him away.

"We are _always_ late"

With this she turned and retreated back into the bedroom. He grinned and followed after her but her voice stopped him.

"Don't even think about it House" He laughed and headed back towards the living room.

Ten minutes later she appeared in jeans, black jumper and converse allstars. He marvelled that even dressed down, she could still demand all of him. He rose, walked towards her and claimed a kiss before she protested. He felt her murmur against his lips

"Did you lock all of the windows?"

He pulled back and nodded and she affectionately straightened his hair.

"Cool, have you got the car keys?" She enquired, breaking away and searching for her coat.

He nodded again and patted his pocket "Bike keys"

"We can do bike keys" she smiled before throwing her house keys towards him. He caught them.

"You can hold these. I won't have room if we're on the bike"

He stuffed them into his pocket and drained the remainder of his coke while she checked herself in the mirror one last time.

She turned towards him.

"Ready?"

He nodded and made his way towards the door, she followed, switching off the lights as she got closer towards him.

"Right, lets go" and with this she took his hand and led him out of her apartment and towards his punishment.

XXX

He watched her. He found that he did that more than anything now. He watched her make the coffee. He watched her while she got ready for bed. He watched her as she sorted his mail. It was foreign to him, to seek comfort in something so small. But he watched her and it calmed him and quietened his mind. As if sensing his gaze, she turned towards him, a questioning look on her face.

"What?" She asked self consciously.

He smiled and put his arm around her, pulling her into a soft kiss. She pulled back smiling, and snuggled closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder and returning her attention to the arena.

He watched her still.

He was in way over his head.

XXX

The parking lot had started to empty by the time they returned to the bike, arms wrapped around each others waists.

"So why monster trucks? You could have dragged me anywhere"

He asked, turning towards her, eyebrows rising suspiciously. She smiled and took and piece of candy floss from his hand and ate it.

"Because"

He stopped and turned to face her.

"Because?"

She smiled mischievously.

"Because last time we came here i never had a chance to do this"

She took his hand and gently backed him up against a nearby car. His heart skipped as she ran her hands up his arms towards his chest, her lips slowly, painfully slowly, reaching his own. Her lips were sweet from the candyfloss and he met them eagerly, hands tangling in her hair and pulling her mouth closer, candyfloss forgotten as it floated to the floor. She lowered her hands once more until they reached his hips and pulled him closer, their bodies moulding as one. Their kiss intensified and he eagerly lowered his hands to pull her closer, time and place easily forgotten. But she laced her fingers with his, halting his progress, and he felt her smile against his lips. She slowed their kiss and lowered their entwined hands to their sides. Finally, softly biting his lower lip, she broke their kiss completely and released him. Stepping away, stealing his heat from him as she went, she admired her handy work. She smiled devilishly, lifting her thumb to gently wipe her lipstick from his bottom lip before continuing towards the bike with a backwards glance.

Yes, he was in was deep he was drowning.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews, they are beyond what i could have imagined. Last update of the night, in honour of IloveHLaurie, as Dirty Dancing is on :-)**

**P.s The music in this chapter is Sade, By your side :-)**

**4**

The rain pounded relentlessly against the windshield, each drop bursting into several smaller eruptions. House shivered involuntary and shifted in his seat. He raised his hand and slowly cleared the condensation from his window searching for the moon. He found it, fighting to appear from beyond the mass of rain clouds that smothered it. He stretched, his thigh beginning to ache, and tried to relax back into his seat. He checked his watch, 19.31pm. His shift had ended two hours ago but he had spent the last hour sitting here, waiting. This thought made him aware of his tiredness and his increasingly aching thigh. He rummaged through his pocket and retrieved his vicodin, popping one into his mouth with mastery of a well established technique. He checked his phone. No messages. He refused to allow his pent up sigh to escape and forced himself to relax once more. Something's are worth waiting for. He laughed gently at the irony of the situation, he had made her wait and now she returned the favour. He checked his watch once more and told himself that he would only wait ten more minutes. He knew he was lying but let himself believe it anyway. He was in way over his head. If he would have imagined this scenario four months ago he would have laughed and scolded himself for being so pathetic.

The click of the car door opening snapped him back to reality. She slumped down into the passenger seat, wet hair framing her face beautifully. She smiled and caught his lips briefly. The briefest of touches that made his soul spring to life and his body forget the last two hours. Breaking their kiss she smiled at him mischievously, a true Alison Cameron apology. He smiled back, gently tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear and starting up the engine.

XXX

They stumbled into his apartment. Darkness quickly replaced by the soft light from the large standing floor lamp. He pulled her towards him and looped her arms around his neck planting a long exquisitely slow kiss on her lips. He could taste the sweet wine on her lips from their meal and he was immediately taken back to the first time he had taken her. The first time she had taken all of him. He felt himself smile against her lips. He pulled back and released her.

"Coffee, I think we need coffee"

She laughed and pulled him in for one more stolen kiss before heading over to his CD rack.

"Shall I put on some music ?" He heard her call to him.

He smiled to himself, he did that now.

"Sure" He shouted back.

He turned on the machine and returned to her.

She turned to him a devilish smile racing her lips.

"How about Kings of Leon, Your sex is on fire?"

He laughed heartily.

"Well I'm flattered, but it's 1am and I don't think the neighbours would be pleased to know my sex is on fire"

She laughed and settled on something slow and soothing.

He flopped onto the sofa and she walked towards him, hips swaying, demanding his attention. She held out her hand.

"Dance with me"

He shook his head and laughed as she tried to pull him from his seat.

"I don't dance"

"Dance with me, I know you can"

He looked into her eyes and saw no sign of shyness. God it turned him on.

"Come on; let me see your moves" She purred.

"I think you know my moves quite well already"

She laughed; a deep hearty laugh and it made him laugh to. When she pulled his hand once more he succumbed to her request and stood up, taking her in his arms.

At first his rhythm was awkward and it dawned on him that he had not danced since his leg. But then, as a child finds its first steps, he found a rhythm that matched her own and he felt her relax into him, her warmth and smell drowning out everything else. He kissed the top of her head, allowing the smell of her to take him to world that he was now a regular guest of.

Was this love?

He had loved Stacy hadn't he? But it had not been like this. He'd lusted after her, after the resources she could offer and those he had needed to take. But then his leg had happened and all those things became irrelevant. He could not be reached and he did not want to reach her. But now, through and the pain and addiction he wanted Cameron. She occupied all of him and sometimes he would find her in rooms within him that he did not know existed. He longed for her, even when she was with him he wanted her closer. He took all that he needed from her but to his surprise she took from him, from the places he swore were bare, and he let her take willingly. At this moment in time he would have given her every last piece of himself, gladly, without hesitation. Was that not love?

He released one of his arms and allowed his free hand to find her face; tilting her chin upwards he sought her lips. Softly at first, like it was the first time their lips had met, as if her lips would crumble if he kissed them too hard. But then he felt her hands find their way under his shirt, felt her fingers begin to make torturously slow patterns above the band of his boxers. He deepened his kiss and was rewarded with a soft moan that made his body tingle. He felt her hands settle on the ridges of his hips and pull him closer to her. He thought that the barriers of their bodies might cease to exist, atoms slowly seeping into available spaces, eventually lost and unable to return. He broke the kiss and began to rain soft kisses down her neck and along her collar bone. She moaned deeply and he felt her nails graze his back.

"I think we should leave coffee" He rasped into the crook of her neck.

Her only reply was a gasp as he finally took a bite.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you once again for the wonderful reviews, they made my day. Ok, so from now on it gets angsty. I really hope you stay with me for the ride. Thanks, Nic**

**5**

"Want to grab something to eat tonight, maybe a game of poker or something?" Wilson asked, casually relaxing in the sofa and throwing the tennis ball to House.

"Sorry Jim, I can't"

"You don't want to hang out with me?" Wilson questioned, sitting forward.

"Now come on Jimmy, use your grammar. I said _can't_ not _don't_"

"Are you doing something else?"

"Again with the grammar, someone not something" House grinned, throwing the ball back to Wilson.

"You're doing someone? Who?"

"It was a figure of speech" House smiled, catching the ball once more.

"Why are you smiling then?"

"I'm not smiling" House protested, but he couldn't fight the smile forming on his lips.

"Yes you are you old dog"

Wilson grinned in return, ducking to miss the ball as it hit the wall behind him, and bounced wildly onto the floor.

XXX

The chirping of his phone drew his attention from the journal he was reading. He saw her name and answered it.

"Hey, you're late. You'll have to stay behind for punishment."

When he heard her reply he knew something was wrong.

"I'm fine, I've got a migraine coming I think. Do you mind if I take the day off?" Her voice was soft, barely audible.

His voice immediately became softer and intimate.

"No, it's fine. You want me to come over and make it all better?"

She laughed, but it sounded forced and he felt his stomach flip.

"I think I'll be ok. A day in bed should be enough. I'll call you later ok?"

With this the line went dead and his stomach flipped further still. He felt uneasy, like the last few seconds of conversation had taken something away from him. He tried to relaxed back into his chair once more and began tossing his ball into the air, refusing to allow the uneasiness gathering in his thoughts to progress any further.

XXX

At 8pm he called her but got the machine.

"_It's me. Call me. We still have tickets for that jazz club tonight"_

When she had not returned his call by 9:30pm he tracked Wilson down.

"Fancy catching something to eat?" He asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could muster.

"I thought you were busy tonight" Wilson asked, looking up from his mound of paperwork.

"How could I ever be too busy for my soul mate?"

Wilson laughed and shook his head.

"Let me see your wallet"

House obliged and withdrew it from his pocket.

"Ok, but you're buying"

XXX

When he arrived at work the next morning, two hours late and head pounding, she was already there. Foreman and Chase were entertaining her with the highlights of yesterday's case, each trying to out do the other. She looked tired he noted. When no one acknowledged his entrance he threw the file of their new case onto the table making them jump.

"Foreman and Chase patient's in ER bay 1, go get a proper history. You know nurses can't be trusted."

They stood, perturbed by the interruption but knowing better than to question it. When he could no longer see them he took the opportunity to speak to her.

"I called you last night. Twice"

She refused to look at him.

"I'm sorry, but I was out for the count. I took some sleeping pills."

"You're better now?" Although he had tried to sound aloof he could hear the softness in his tone and inwardly cursed himself.

"I'm fine House. Look, I'm going to help the guys, the last thing we need is them talking"

She rose then and brushed past him towards the door, he caught her hand and her eyes finally met his.

"Are we ok?"

She held his gaze and smiled, but it refused to reach her eyes.

"We are as we always are. I'll catch you later, ok?"

"Ok" He replied softly before squeezing her hand and releasing it.

He watched her go before raising his hand, inspecting it for the burn he thought he'd find there.

XXX

"Where's Cameron?" He demanded, allowing his frustration to surface.

"Home" Chase replied unsure.

"What do you mean 'Home'?" House countered, throwing their newest test results onto the table heavily.

"She went home about an hour ago. Said her head was making her feel sick. We thought she would have cleared it with you " Foreman replied, throwing Chase a confused look who shrugged.

"Does it look like she cleared it with me? You guys are meant to be my eyes and ears"

He grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and keys.

"Where are you going?" Foreman chanced.

"Well you can't play truant and not expect the truant officer to come knocking"

"House, she's sick, not playing truant" Chase protested.

"No, the person who's sick is our patient in the OR whose spleen just exploded"

With this he stormed out of the office with as much pace his leg could stand.

XXX

The apartment building was quiet and he felt that any noise at all would draw a mountain of suspicious stares. He reached her door and knocked. He could hear the soft murmur of the TV from within. When she did not answer he remembered her spare key and thumbed the top of the doorframe until he felt it brush against his finger tips. Retrieving it, he gently placed it in the key hole and opened the door. She was sitting staring out of the window. He moved into the room, feeling as vulnerable as he did when he first came here.

If she heard him enter she made no sign of it. It was as if she had expected him to come. The soft setting sunlight bathed the room and she looked like an angel, his angel. He dropped his coat on the couch and she turned to look at him before returning her gaze to the sky. She shifted slightly and he knew that she waiting, waiting for him to acknowledge the compassion he was feeling. The words fought in his head, tumbling over each other violently, but none were victorious. He rested his cane against the sofa and boldly stepped towards her. When his hand rested on her shoulder he felt her lean into it and he knew he had won.

"Sometimes, I just like to sit" Her voice was soft, fragile and he knew that she had been crying.

He nodded and sat down next to her, taking her hand softly.

"We can sit"

And so they did.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi it's me again :-) thank you for your reviews once more, i feel lucky to have such a great group of readers following my story. I feel duty bound to tell you that this will not be your typical happily-ever-after. I wanted to push my boundaries as a writer and this fic is it. There will be heartaches but quiet triumphs too. This fic is Hameron to its very core as am i. I hope that this fic will ultimately explore the very depths of their love, not just the surface. I hope you decide to stay with me, but if you don't then i'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming this far. Thanks as always, Nic**

**6**

**You would think that such a day would tremble to begin-Thomas Harris**

His finger gently traced the dancing light upon her back. Her skin was soft, inviting and he accepted the invitation willingly. The playful light teased him further and shifted towards the nape of her neck. His fingers obeyed and followed eagerly. He heard her release a slow steady moan. Encouraged he added another finger to his caress and ,ignoring the bouncing light, made his own path towards her abdomen. She moaned louder, a low rumbling moan that made his body ache. He flattened his palm and pulled her closer to him, urgency replacing playfulness. She rolled onto her back and wrapped her legs around him, pouting her lips. She undid him. With each and every breath he took in her presence he felt her take a part of his soul in return. It was the price he paid and he would pay it galdly until nothing remained. His heart swelled and engaged in a tug of war with his head.

His heart won.

Holding her gaze he spoke softly, shyly.

"I lov....."

The words caught in his mouth and he saw her eyes widen. He shook his head and quickly kissed her lips before rolling out of bed, almost taking her with him, and standing up suddenly.

"Where are you going?" She asked playfully. He was sure he was blushing.

"Bathroom" He mumbled quickly before escaping into the shelter of the bathroom.

He closed the door and almost banged his head against it. He couldn't believe that he had nearly let the words slip out. He cursed, but instead of a frown a smile graced his lips. However much he hated feeling this vulnerable, he was happy.

He flushed the toilet for good show and washed his hands. Realising the dispenser was empty he opened the medicine cabinet and searched for a refill.

Then he saw them.

Nestled behind several bottles of creams and lotions, a bottle of pregnancy vitamins. He retrieved the bottle, clumsy hands knocking over several other bottles in the process. He undid the cap and shook the contents furiously into his hand.

He counted them.

_16._

He fumbled the bottled and searched for the quantity.

_28._

Then his heart stopped.

XXX

He opened the bathroom door and slowly made his way towards the bed and sat down.

"You ok?" She asked voice etched in concern.

When he didn't answer she wrapped her hands around his waste and pulled him gently against her. Her caress burned him and he shrugged lose and lay down. She straddled him, face shrouded in concern. She leaned forward and kissed him deeply, hands resting gently on his chest. When she broke their kiss and leant back he took his hand and ran it over her stomach. When he raised his eyes to meet hers, he knew she knew.

She climbed off him and sat at the place he had occupied moment's earlier.

"How many weeks?" His voice was strained.

"Eight"

"How long have you know?"

"Two weeks"

His head rushed back to the day she phoned in sick, two weeks exactly. He stood up and began searching for his clothes.

"Where are you going?"

"Home" was all he could manage. He thought he was going to be sick.

"We have to talk about this"

He ignored her and continued to dress. The movement of her body across the bed slowed him and when he felt her hand on his arm he had to summon all his strength not to wrap his arms around her.

"I can't do this. Please let me go" His voice was barely audible.

"_We_ can do this" She pleaded.

He pulled his arm free and hunted for his trainers, finding them he quickly pushed his feet into them, almost losing his balance.

"There is no this. It's too much. I don't want this"

She shook her head and placed her trembling hand on his face.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me" Her voice was firm, tears rolling gently down her face.

He hung his head, knowing that he couldn't deny her request. He raised his eyes to meet hers. Placing his hand over hers, he removed it from him face and lowered it to her side before releasing it.

"I'm sorry................ I can't be what you need me to be"

He turned away, grabbing his coat and cane, and headed towards the door.

"Please don't walk away from me" She pleaded, her voice shrouded in tears.

But it was all he could do to stop himself from crying.

P.s Brownie points for VisualIDentificationZeta :-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi there, thank you for the wonderful reviews and sticking with me. This is a short chapter but i will update soon :-) Thanks, Nic**

**7**

One day tumbled into another and he felt pain that he was sure would never end. She called him, that night and the next. After the fifth attempt she had given up, leaving him a final voicemail telling him that she was keeping the baby. He knew she would.

He felt hollow and was sure that he would crumble from within. He had avoided work, avoided her, but she was always there. He could smell her in his apartment, on his clothes, his bed sheets, on him. He felt her everywhere, surrounding him like air itself. She was there in everything he touched, every sound he heard and everywhere he went. He would lie in bed for hours, seeking sleep but never finding it, and he was sure that he could feel her warmth beside him. She was his every thought and he knew that if he were to break open before the world that she would spill out from within him. But after nearly two weeks the silence of his apartment suffocated and goaded him and he had stumbled into work hoping that the ungodly hour would provide him with refuge.

He was wrong.

She was sitting in his office nursing a cup of hot chocolate, flipping through a chart. She had looked tired, so very tired and he wished from the deepest recesses of his heart that he could be a better man. She had looked up, smiled sadly and got up to leave. That was 2 days ago. Now, he sat at his desk, thoughts in a place that was no longer a part of his world.

A soft knock on his office door drew him from his thoughts. The soft lamp light lit the shadow against the darkness and he knew it was her.

"Come in"

She entered and walked towards him slowly. Even shrouded in sadness she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. His gaze slowly travelled to her stomach, an unconscious instinct, and back towards her face. The darkness of the room devoured him but she seemed to glow. He met her eyes and saw his own sadness reflected in them. She reached him and he had to tilt his head slightly in order to maintain eye contact with her. Slowly, she raised her shirt revealing soft inviting skin that he deeply missed, and removed his shiny door key from her waistband. She held it out to him and he hesitated briefly before taking it softly, his thumb accidently brushing hers. He caught her gaze and knew the mistake he was making by letting her go.

Knew it right down to his very core.

She withdrew her hand but he caught it softly before running his thumb gently over her knuckles. Her once shy eyes held his gaze powerfully but they were as heavy as his heart. He hung his head and she pulled her hand away as if his touch had burned her. When she turned and headed out of the door he knew that things between them had changed forever.


	8. Chapter 8

**As promised :-)**

**8**

Summer gave way to autumn and the grey cloud that had become Gregory House's constant companion remained, diligent and unforgiving.

The autumn light cast a shadow over his desk and he shook his head and forced himself to concentrate on the endless charts before him, a task he had undertaken in a perverse sense of duty. He did not want her to have to sit here sorting out his mess. She was already doing that.

His effort to concentrate was in vain. There was only one thing, one person, he could concentrate on. He threw down the chart, admitting defeat and rising to his feet. While he admired the hospitals ingenious design, the copious amounts of glass windows allowed him to indulge in his guilty secret. He left the office and automatically walked towards the lab, scanning the rooms as he went. As the lab grew closer he slowed and could feel his heart rate increase. He scanned the room and located her, absorbed within the microscope. His gaze travelled from her soft lips, pursed in concentration, to her stomach. A prominent bump was present now. He knew it was open knowledge that she was expecting. He remembered the first time Foreman had mentioned it and the first time he had heard them discuss the mystery of the father. It wounded him, each time leaving another mark upon his soul.

He shifted, leg aching, and returned his gaze back to her face once more. If pregnant women glowed then Alison Cameron radiated. He smiled and immediately berated himself. It was times like these that he cursed these glass walls. His attention snapped towards the hand on his shoulder and Wilson met his guilty face.

XXX

Today was the day.

She had asked for the morning off. He didn't ask why and she didn't tell him.

They both knew why.

He slumped down in his chair and glanced at his watch for what seemed like the millionth time. She'd be there now. He thought of her lying there and wondered if she'd ask to know the sex. With this thought sickness washed over him. He had no right to wonder. Wilson chose this moment to enter his office.

"Go away"

"I haven't even said anything" Wilson protested in innocence.

"Please, just go"

Undeterred Wilson stepped forward and slowly took the seat in front of him. Silence continued. This was going to be a bad day.

XXX

The milky glow of the afternoon sunlight made the locker room seem eerily quiet.

House felt nervous, a feeling foreign to him. Not because of where he was. Not because of what he was about to do but because of what he was going to see and how much he wanted to see it.

He apprehensively walked over to her locker and set about trying to get it open. A soft click told him that he had succeeded. Hesitantly he opened it and was immediately hit by the scent of her. He inhaled deeply and remembered the last time he had held her close-the morning his life stopped. He shook his head and searched for her bag. He found it and pulled it towards him, trying not to disturb anything. Checking the coast was clear he unzipped the bag and searched for her purse. He found it and carefully placed the bag to the side. His thigh throbbed as if warning him of his imminent pain. He ignored it and slowly opened up her purse, his heart stopping when he was greeted with his own face.

Gently, he pulled the photo out from behind the plastic. It was worn and the corners had become soft with frequent handling. He turned it over to reveal her hand, _He smiles, 17th March 08. _He could feel a lump form in his throat. He remembered the day she took it. He had protested but she had insisted. He had tried to look grumpy. But as he studied the picture now, he could see the slight curve of his mouth as he pulled her close and he could see the smile in his eyes.

Hands shaking he returned the photo to its place and opened the money compartment, coming across the thing he wanted most. The white rims glimmered in the light and he pulled them out. His heart stopped. There, in black and white was the greatest achievement of his life. He held the photos up and it felt hard to breathe. The grainy images seemed as clear to him as the room he was standing in.

Curled up, thumb resting in his mouth was Gregory House's son.


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for the wonderful reviews, i read them at work and they make me grin like an idiot. I think my boss is getting concerned :-) Enjoy the chapter as always, Nic**

**9**

"I'll go and get the food but you're paying"

Wilson shouted down the hallway towards the bedroom.

House begrudgingly dried his hair and threw the towel on to his bed. He didn't need this invasion. Pulling on a crumpled t-shirt he made his way back towards the living room.

"I'm not hungry...."

The scene before him stopped his words. Wilson stood, House's wallet in one hand and ultrasound in the other. House stepped forward and snatched the ultrasound.

"Go"

His tone was low and solemn as he reached for his wallet, taking it firmly and placing the photo gently back within.

"House we need to talk about this" Wilson uttered in disbelief.

"No, we don't. This isn't a soap opera or save Greg House day. Just leave me alone"

"But you're the father. This is _huge_."

The anger of House's reply startled them both.

"Just go!"

Wilson shook his head.

"I'm not going anywhere. You can't deal with this on your own"

"I don't have to deal with it. I'm not a part of it" House spat.

"You have the ultrasound in your wallet. You went?"

"No"

House felt his head beginning to thump.

"So Cameron gave you a copy. That means you're involved" Wilson stated, confusion clouding his face.

"I'm not involved! She never gave me a copy. I stole it ok. Now leave me alone!"

Sadness washed over Wilson's features.

"You stole an ultrasound of your baby and you're trying to tell me that you're not involved?"

The sound of the front door slamming was House's reply.

XXX

His eyes opened suddenly and immediately protested at the influx of unwelcomed light from the empty corridors, forcing them to close once more. His body ached and his mouth was dry. Too dry. He stirred, uncomfortably shifting his aching body to reach some level of comfort. The warmth enclosing his left hand drew his attention. He sighed at the scene greeting him and ignored the small pang in his stomach. Slowly, he removed his hand, trying not to move too much.

He failed and sleepy brown eyes meant his own.

"How are you feeling?"

The softness in her tone made him feel uneasy. Softness wasn't her shade, at least not around him.

"Thirsty?"

She reached for the jug sitting on the table. The condensation had long since disappeared, leaving pale opaque lines around the rim. He hesitantly took the plastic cup from her hand and brought it to his lips. The warm water tasted foul but his body desired it far more than he despised it.

"Where's Wilson?" His voice did not sound like it belonged to him.

Cuddy took the cup from his hand and replaced it on the table before returning her gaze to him.

"He's gone home to change. Your head was bleeding a lot"

House automatically raised his fingers to the wound over his left eye, wincing as his fingers brushed the stitches. He felt his stomach churn and placed his hand there, immediately causing pain.

"Your ribs, you cracked three ribs, totalled your bike, five stitches above your eye. What happened? All Wilson would say was that you took off after you argued"

"I wasn't concentrating. Braked too hard and lost control" His head was thumping now.

"You're lucky you didn't wrap yourself around a street light, you're lucky Wilson was there" The softness of her voice irritated him.

He placed his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes, his thoughts immediately finding Cameron, his solace. The warmth returned to his hand and he shrugged off the intrusion once more.

"You shouldn't be here" He mumbled, sleep seeking him.

He heard her sigh.

" You shouldn't be here at all" He managed once more before sleep found him.

Some time later the warmth returned but by then he was too tired to protest with any great effect. Sleep devoured him.

XXX

The warmth of the sun creeping across his face stirred him from his slumber and he knew she was there before he even opened his eyes and could not help but smile. He opened his eyes slowly but she wasn't in the chair beside him, where he had expected her to be.

She stood by the window, hands rested comfortably on her now prominent bump, gazing out in to the world. He irrationally envied the sun that danced off her features. She looked exhausted and he selfishly hoped that he was the cause. He watched her silently, not willing to shorten their time together.

"You should talk to Wilson"

Her soft voice startled him.

Then silence.

Eternity seemed to pass before she turned to face him.

"You should talk to Wilson. He told me what happened, he's worried about you"

"It was an accident. I forgot to brake"

"You scared him half to death"

"Did I scare you?"

"You never scare me" Her words were soft, but firm.

"Then why are you here?"

She ignored his question and he watched her subconsciously rub her stomach.

"You miss me" His voice sounded softer than he wanted.

"I don't miss you"

He ignored the pang in his stomach.

"You're lying" He stated with more confidence than he deserved.

She turned and retrieved her coat from the back of a nearby chair. He felt his heart sink.

"Well, what's one more lie on top of the mountain we already have. I'm glad you're ok. Talk to Wilson, I think he at least deserves a thank you"

With this she headed towards the door, hesitating once she reached it, she paused and turned to him briefly.

"I would have given you a copy House. I would never have denied you that"

And with this she left, taking with her the light that for the briefest amount of time he had been allowed to bathe in once more.

XXX

"Now, if I leave you alone you're going to try and kill yourself again are you?"

Wilson tried to sound light hearted but House could hear the underlying tone of seriousness.

"I did not try and kill myself. It was an accident"

Wilson nodded, seemingly satisfied with his answer and lowered House's bag on to the floor as House gingerly lowered himself onto his couch. Wilson took a chair opposite and leant forward, resting his elbows on his legs.

"Do we need to talk?"

House shook his head and turned to face the window.

"What will you do?"

After and long silence Wilson watched him take a deep breath, before getting up carefully and walking over to the window. When he spoke his voice was soft, softer than Wilson ever imagined it could be.

"We were together for 6 months. I've never felt so complete, never thought that _that _kind of happiness was meant for me............. I'd watch her; brushing her hair, making lunch, reading a book. I never wanted to miss any part of her. But now I wake up in the night panicking because I can't quite remember the way she used to eat her noodles or tie her hair up before her bath. I berate myself for not watching her more because I never want to forget anything about her..... not_ one_ thing...."

His voice trailed off, Wilson saw him begin to trace circles on the window and waited patiently for him to continue.

"She used to smile at me and however shit my day had been or however much pain I was in, it suddenly didn't matter because _she_ had smiled at me, she had that light............If I stayed with her, trying to play a role never meant for me then I'd slowly drain that light from her........... and I'd _never_ forgive myself....."

He stopped and Wilson rubbed his mouth in disbelief.

"You would be a great father. She loves you House, she loves you just as you are and always has"

House turned away from the window and Wilson knew that he would not get a reply. He stood and headed towards the door. House's words stopped him.

"Thank you"

He turned in surprise.

"For what?"

But House ignored him and headed down the hallway towards his bedroom.

Whatever window had been opened within him for this briefest moment in time had been firmly closed once more.


	10. Chapter 10

**Enjoy,my wonderful readers :-)**

**10**

The phone danced erratically on the table. Dancing merrily, trying desperately to catch the attention of its uninterested owner. Its dance continued but its effort was in vain. House, annoyed by the disturbance turned the volume up on the TV and slumped further into his chair. The phone silenced but immediately began its dance once more before finally grasping the attention it desired. House switch off the TV and made his way towards it, face etched in annoyance. When he finally answered his tone was sharp.

"What do you want?"

Wilson's panicked voice answered back.

"You have to get down here"

"What's wrong?" His stomach flipped.

"It's Cameron. She's gone into labour. I've been trying to call you for twenty minutes. Where have you been?"

House felt his heart rate double and the walls of his apartment seemed to close in around him.

"But she's not due for another two weeks"

"I know. But it's happening House. You have to come down here. You have to be here"

"I don't belong there"

"House, i know you're scared but you have to be here or you'll regret it for the rest of your life"

"You know nothing. It's not my place. I have no right to that life anymore" House's voice was firm but he could hear it breaking.

"You can't leave her on her own. He's your son House. _Your_ son"

"She has you" He hated himself further as the words left his mouth.

"You son of a bitch!" Wilson's voice dripped with anger.

The dial tone punctuated the end of the conversation.

At that moment House felt more alone than he had ever known.

The silence was suffocating.

He rose quickly and sought his keys, helmet and jacket before heading out into the warm spring evening that greeted him with such promise. He did not know where this would end but he knew, knew to the deepest depths of his very being that he had to be close, or at least closer to the women who had stolen his heart and never returned it.

XXX

The hospital seemed to carry an eerie silence. He checked his watch and realized that he had been here several hours and it was now close to midnight. The night crew were as solemn as the tasks they were enlisted with. Yet, with each person he passed he convinced himself that they knew.

Greg House, deserter and waste of a life.

He had made it as far as the maternity floor several times, but the guilt seemed to gather in his legs like setting cement, making him unable to go any further. He had eventually given up and retreated to his office, throwing his bag and helmet onto the chair. He had tried Wilson's mobile more times than he could recall but it was switched off.

So he'd sat and remained in the chair where he'd hired her, where she'd kissed him often in the lust of their secret and finally where she had returned his key to him and left him to a life he no longer wanted.

He sat, aching limbs ignored, and thought about how perfect he'd had it for the briefest moment in time. Eventually the sun began to rise, invading his office like an unwelcomed visitor. Then his phone began to vibrate, brief and efficient. Hands shaking imperceptibly and a heart so heavy that he was finding it difficult to breathe he held the phone as if it would fall apart and stared at the message envelope bearing her name. Finally, summoning the courage to embrace his future he clicked the message open and deep blue eyes met his own.

Eyes he knew all to well.

**Jude Gregory Cameron, 3:17am.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and my new followers, I am overwhelmed. So as a thank you I have posted this chapter early. I just want the say that I'm really happy the name went down well; it has a meaning so I'm happy that you liked it. As for the surname, I debated over it for a long while before deciding on Cameron. If I had written this based around the 1st season then I would have definitely chosen House, but now Cameron's so much stronger and I think she wants him to know that. She'd love Jude the have his surname but she's not going to push it on House, she wants it to be his own choice. She chose Gregory because after all she _is_ still Cameron and he does have her heart...Hameron forever :-)**

**11**

**One touch of nature makes the whole world kin-Shakespeare**

He knew he should have left but he couldn't.

He was powerless and however much his head had screamed at him to leave, his heart refused to listen.

He'd had warnings, it was all Foreman and Chase had spoken about for the last couple of days. But still he found himself purposely leaving the blinds open so that he could watch them and that was where he stood now, watching as Cameron gently lifted their son from his car seat and passed him to an over excited Foreman.

He watched people who had have never seen before stop by to take a look. He tried to read there lips, wondering if they could see as much of him in Jude as he could.

Brown hair, blue eyes, Cameron's lips.

He smiled proudly, allowing himself that one pleasure even though he knew he didn't deserve it.

He watched Chase put his arm around Cameron and say something in her ear that made her laugh. He watched Wilson, walking around the room gently rocking his son to sleep, coming so close to window that House wondered if he knew he was there, purposely showing him what he was missing. Then he watched Cameron, gently swaying with Jude on her shoulder, talking to the group with a liveliness he had not seen in her since _that_ day. He raised his hand almost reaching out for her, longing to touch her.

He ached, a painful dull ache that he knew would always be there in the hollow spaces her love used to fill.

Then he watched them as Jude was strapped back into his chair gently by Wilson while Cameron said her goodbyes. Then, as everyone was fussing over Jude for one last time, he watched as she turned her head in his direction, looking right at him and smiled sadly, before turning and following the small procession towards the car park.

House watched them go, until he could no longer see the back of her, and feeling empty once more and limped towards his desk.

He sat down and, making sure the coast was clear, gently retrieved a small red velvet box from his bottom drawer and placed it on his desk. He opened it and softly ran a finger over the small embossed figure of Saint Jude –patron of lost souls, a perfect name for the son of Gregory House. When he would ask her about it, in another time and place, she would tell him that Jude was sent to watch over her, that she was just as lost as he.

He gently lifted the pendant from the box and held it up to the light. It glimmered proudly, defiantly, just like her.

He smiled and decided that it was more than worth the small fortune he had spent on it. He had given her money, had in fact transferred all of his savings to her account.

She had protested, until he had insisted and refused to change his mind, and then she had thanked him.

_She_ had thanked him.

He'd gotten so drunk that night that he'd thrown up, shame can be a very good drinking partner.

But this pendant meant more than that.

It was all the words he could never find, all of the actions he wasn't brave enough to take and all the love he had within.

He hoped and prayed that when she received it and placed it around her neck that she would understand.

Understand that it was_ his_ soul.................. and that he was giving it to _her_.


	12. Chapter 12

**12**

He sat in darkness, earphones in and humming softly to the music they emitted. His stomach rumbled but he had no appetite for food, he had no appetite for anything anymore, and so it was ignored. He reached into his pocket and rummaged around for his pills. He found them and emptied the contents onto the desk. He lined them up and counted them, deeply aware that his consumption had increased dramatically over the last 3 weeks. He frowned, realising he was running low but popped two into his mouth anyway, reaching for his now cold coffee and washing them down bitterly.

The light appearing in the conference room drew his attention.

Then he saw her enter carrying Jude in is car seat.

He stood up and silently walked towards the window, parting the blinds subtlety he watched as she rested the seat in the middle of the table and began rummaging through her bag.

She looked exhausted, fragile and he lowered his head in disgrace.

He was torn.

He watched her for what seemed like eternity before summoning the courage to open his office door slowly. She looked towards him in surprise and then she smiled and he could not help but smile back.

"You shouldn't be here, it's Christmas Eve" Her tone was playful.

He shook his head, _was it really Christmas Eve_?

His eyes flickered to his son and back to her.

"You look tired, are you ok?"

His voice was soft, softness he only ever found with her.

She looked surprise by his concern and her voice was hesitant when she replied.

"I'm fine, just tired"

She pulled at the collar of her coat and his attention was drawn to the pendant resting against her soft white skin. Lowering her gaze to the object of his interest and realising that he was looking at the pendant made smiled once more.

"It's perfect. I left you a message saying thank you. I'm not sur...."

"I got it"

He held her gaze and his attention fell to her lips. She opened her mouth to say something but changed her mind and returned her attention to her bag once more. When she spoke again she did not turn to him but kept her attention focused her bag.

"I just stopped by to drop of some gifts, for Foreman, Wilson… you know I..."

Jude stirred and House turned towards him, instinctively taking a step closer.

Everything else seemed to fade away, even the soft sound of Cameron's voice seeped into the background. He could smell baby powder and lotion, unfamiliar but comforting. He watched as Jude opened his eyes tentatively and blinked sleepily. Watched as he raised his fist briefly and moved it towards his mouth, trying to suckle it unsuccessfully.

He stepped closer, close enough to touch him if he reached out and his heart felt like it would burst when Jude, for the briefest moment in time, seemed to make eye contact with him before succumbing to sleep once more.

He smiled to himself, feeling warmth within him that he had been sure he would never feel again.

When he instinctively looked towards Cameron he was surprised to find her watching him, returning his smile.

"Do you want to hold him?"

Her voice was soft, unsure.

He felt his heart begin to thud against the walls of his chest violently.

"I can't….. I…"

His voice uneasy, apprehensive and he saw the sadness in her eyes appear like a rising sun.

She opened her mouth, perhaps to encourage or scold him, but her pending words came to a halt as the door opened suddenly and Wilson entered. He stopped immediately, realizing his intrusion and began to back track, apologising as he went.

Cameron stopped him.

"It's ok James, I was just leaving. I'm meeting the guys for dinner"

Wilson looked towards House, hoping for the first time in his life that would tell him to get lost, but he looked away breaking their eye contact. Accepting her invitation he walked towards Jude with an easiness House envied. He cooed over him, stroking his hair softly and complementing Cameron on well she looked. House watched her laugh, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear, and filed this memory away as his and his alone. Then he watched her pull a small gift from her bag and hand it to Wilson, wishing him merry Christmas. He laughed, thanked her and pulled her in for a hug.

House felt his cheeks flush in irrational jealously, wishing that he could hold her that close once more, even if it was only for one second in time. He walked over to the window and peered out into the night sky, not able to bare the longing in his heart.

He felt a hand rest gently on his arm and turned, surprised to see her standing before him.

Her touch was warm and the memories of her flooded his mind like the rays of a brilliant sunrise.

She held out a small red box to him and smiled.

"Merry Christmas House"

He took the box, hesitantly, acutely aware of Wilson watching them.

He searched for the words to thank her but before he could find them she leant forward, comfortable, familiar and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. He closed his eyes, savouring the warmth of her lips against his skin, gathering energy from the very feel of her. He lowered his arms and forgetting their boundaries, forgetting Wilson's presence, forgetting all of the reasons he shouldn't, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him.

She still fit perfectly and at that moment in time he felt whole once more.

He felt her take a breath and lowered his chin further into her hair, savouring the smell and feel of her.

He would have held her for eternity, until his all his fears subsided, until the end of days.

He felt his eyes begin sting and let his hands drop to his side heavily before turning swiftly and retreating into his office. Afraid that if he dared to look back that he would crumble into a million pieces before them.

Several minutes later he heard his office door swing open, hitting the wall and causing the frame to shudder.

Wilson stood before him, face clouded with an anger House had never before seen within him.

"You're a god damn bastard House, a god damn bastard!"

Then, shaking his head furiously, he disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. House reached into his pocket and retrieved the gift Cameron had given him. He opened it slowly; wrapping paper falling to the ground like the snow flakes outside, and revealing a small black box, carefully clicked it open.

Nestled within was a silver key ring and he lifted it carefully, revealing an image of his son sleeping peacefully.

The sound of his fist hitting the desk vibrated throughout the room, voicing the intense wave of sorrow that rose from within him. His pills bounced wildly and with a colossal force, he swept his hand across the surface of his desk, knocking them to the floor.

Each one falling like a million promises, broken, empty and never forgotten.


	13. Chapter 13

**Dear readers, old and new, thank you once again for the amazing reviews, they make my day. I just want to say once more that this won't be a archetypal happily-ever-after story. The next two chapters will be heavy on the angst and there will be some _really _heartbreaking news. I have told you this because I respect you as readers and want it to be your own decision as to whether you continue to read or not. I hope you stay with me, Hameron forever as always, Nic**

**P.s the music for this chapter is Eva Cassidy's I love you like never before**

**13**

**The best intentions are fraught with disappointment**

"Another scotch?"

Wilson's words were beginning to slur and House realised that he was in fact sober. He couldn't remember the last time he had remained sober at one of these charity events. Alcohol was usually his best friend. A diversion that put a rose coloured tint on the situation.

Not any more.

He had changed, subtle and silently but changed none the less.

"No, I think I'm going to head home" His voice was clear, without hesitation.

"But it is only 10pm, come on have one for the road at least" Wilson encouraged, standing precariously.

They were interrupted by a girl that House recognised from Accounts. She held out her hand to Wilson and he took it, eagerly throwing a grin over his shoulder towards House as he disappeared on to the crowded dance floor.

House took the opportunity to search the dance floor for Cameron. It had been nearly four months since the day in his office, the day he had pushed her far enough away that she had broken free of his grasp. He had taken to hanging around the lab or conference room with the hope that Chase or Foreman might mention her, even if it was only for a second. Wilson never mentioned her anymore and he was never brave enough to ask.

When he'd seen her enter tonight, stunning red flowing dress leaving a trail of fire behind her, he felt himself fall even more in love with her.

She had danced with Chase and Foreman all night and apart from formal niceties when they had bumped into each other at the bar, they had not spoken to each other since. He had watched her though, watched her with a yearning that only she could bring from him now. It had been five months since the birth of their child and he had slowly withdrawn from the life he used to know. She was due to return to work in two months time but he knew things would never ever be the same again.

He watched her finish her latest dance and excuse herself before disappearing out onto the balcony. Against all the better judgement that raged within him, he followed her.

Gently, he opened the patio doors. The warm evening breeze danced across his face and through his fingers. He inhaled softly, as if the slightest noise would disturb her and make her flee. She stood, arms rested on the railing, gazing into the midnight blue sky adorned with stars twinkling like fairy lights. She looked as perfect as the memories he held of her, the soft moonlight flickering over her features.

"You can come closer. I won't hurt you..."

She turned towards him and threw him a smile he did not deserve. He took it anyway, bathing in the hope it shone upon him.

God he missed that smile.

She turned back to the sky, invitation open. He accepted it and moved to join her besides the railing. They stood in silence, the soft murmur of the music from within the only sound. He pushed down the butterflies rising in his stomach and broke the silence.

"How's Jude?"

She looked at him, stunned and he had to fight the urge to look away. She could have told him it was none of his concern. But she did not deny him, she never would.

"He's perfect. He smiles now. Well, I think he does....."

Her voice trailed off as if her words pained her and he was surprised by how much he wanted her to continue. She looked away, a sad smile forming. The silence fell heavily between them once more and the music seemed to grow louder, the crowd within cheering in approval.

He wanted her, overwhelmed; he had never wanted anything more in his life as much he wanted to hold her at that moment.

"Dance with me"

The words were softer than he imagined and for a moment he wondered if he had in fact spoken them. But then she sighed and he knew that she had heard his request. The silence resumed once more and he felt his pulse increasing. He rested his cane against the wall and slowly moved behind her, placing his hands on either side of her, keeping the distance between their bodies. He leaned forward and felt her body tense. He was swamped by the memories of her.

"_Please_"

His voice was a whisper and he felt her release a breath slowly. He could feel the music dancing around them, encouraging his request. She shifted slowly and turned within the circle of his arms to face him. Her eyes were clear, engulfing and he felt pure under her gaze. His eyes flickered to her lips, red and enticing, and he had to fight the urge not to claim them. The music reached an instrumental and he took a step backwards and held out his hand to her. After a moments hesitation she gently placed her hand in his and he pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her.

The female vocalist began to bare her soul once more and they began to sway to the music in a rhythm that was familiar and never forgotten. He pulled her closer and felt her give in; resting her head upon his chest they became one.

The world no longer existed.

All that existed was her.

The rhythm of her soft breathing, soothing and perfect, the aroma of her perfume that still gratefully lingered on his favourite t-shirt and the warmth of her body that chased away all the bitter places within him.

The music came to an end but still they swayed, both reluctant to break their contact. But slowly, reality returned and he felt her stir in his arms. She leaned back and he fought the urge not to pull her closer and halt her escape. He felt her arms drop and he released her slowly, allowing her to take a small step back. He held her gaze and leant forward to claim her lips tenderly but she pulled away, breaking their contact completely. He saw tears forming in her eyes and anguish cloud her face. Instinctively he reached out for her but she shook her head, stepping back further, but he caught her hand. She froze and he took the opportunity to pull her closer, lifting her hand to his chest, and placing her palm above his heart praying that she could feel its heavy thundering the way he could.

"This is what you do to me" His voice was low, endearing.

She shook her head firmer now and stepped back until she bumped into the railing, tears falling freely.

"I'm so sorry.......I can't, I can't do this"

Her voice was weak and etched in a sorrow that made his heart ache.

He stepped forward, desperate to hold her close once more and stop her tears.

"Cameron I..."

She released a sob and he felt his breath catch.

"It's too late....It's all too late.... I'm marrying Chase"

And with this she ran past him, hand slipping out of his as he tried desperately to grab it, and disappeared within in a haze of red furiously fighting against the breeze. He turned to watch her go and limping towards the railing, hanging onto it as if he would fall into the abyss, desperately lurched his head over it unable to fight the bile rising in his stomach anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi to everyone who decided to stay with me, I thank you deeply. This will be a sad chapter with REALLY sad news but I think it will help everything make sense. Please don't throw things at me. Hameron forever, Nic.**

**14**

**One ought to hold on to ones heart, for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too-Friedrich Nietzsche**

Spring drifted into summer and Greg House drifted into a world that he was sure he'd never be a part of again. The first month he got drunk, so drunk that he would sleep for days and miss work. He would throw up more than he ate and pop vicodin for no reason other than something to do. He would sleep on his floor more than his bed and spend more money on prostitutes than he did on anything else, only to send them away in disgust before they even took their coats off. News of the wedding came and went, Cameron never returned, quitting to spend more time at home. He told anyone who would listen that he was grateful, that it was the best thing that ever happened to him but he was driven mad by the thought of not seeing her. Chase transferred to the ER after the tension in the office became unbearable; almost coming to blows on more than one occasion and Foreman took on the responsibility of hiring new fellows. Wilson stuck by his lost cause and took to spending more time with House than apart.

Eventually, after one to many close calls at work he got smart and pulled himself together enough to make it through the day and fall apart at night. Never letting himself forget that this was the life he had chosen for himself.

He would never let himself forget that.

Then, on one of the last evenings of summer and one of the rare evenings that he was not passed out by 8pm in a haze of vicodin and alcohol, he received a visitor.

The door seemed to thunder under the weight of the news it keep at bay. When he opened it he could not mask his surprise, stunned he allowed Chase the opportunity to enter without protest.

"We need to talk" His voice was strained, unfamiliar.

"No, you need to get out of my house before I throw you out"

Chase ignored the comment and looked around, studying the pile of bottles and clothes that had taken over the sofa and spilled onto the floor.

"How can you live like this, It would break Cameron's heart if she saw you like this"

"Don't you dare mention her name to me! Have you come here to boast about your love for her and your perfect life together?"

Chase walked over to the window and pressed his palm against it, House heard him take a deep breath. He looked at his ring finger and noticed it was bare.

"Where is your wedding ring? In fact, come to think of it I don't think I've ever seen you wear a ring have I?"

"I'm not here to talk about me. I want you to come and see Cameron" When he said her name his voice became softer.

"She sent you to ask me?"

"No, she does not know I am here. She did not want me to involve you"

"Involve me in what? Look I don't have time for this. You have your happily ever after and I have my life" House's tone was sharp, irritated.

"You call this a life? This is anything but a life. You turned your back on the best life you have ever known!" Chase spat, anger appearing suddenly.

"Do you not think I know that? Do you not think I've known that since the day I walked out on her and my son? But you won because when I tried to get back the life that was meant for me she'd given it to you........."

"She's' dying House!"

House froze unable to speak and Chase continued.

"Don't you get it? She married me so I could adopt Jude because she didn't want her family getting him. I offered and she accepted because she knew she was dying and she knew that you wanted nothing to do with him. She was desperate, she wanted nothing like she wanted you, she cried the whole way through the ceremony. So this great love story you speak of did exist, but not here. It's you she loves. It has always been you!"

House felt overwhelming pain rush through him; pain that he did not know could possibly exist. If he could have reached inside himself, taken out his heart and given it away he would have. He did not want to know the pain that now raged through his body unrelentingly. He thought that his body would shatter right there and smash in to a million pieces that would seep through all the spaces in the floorboards in to the abyss beyond.

"....When?" His managed, voice broken.

"Seven months into the pregnancy, they found a shadow on an ultrasound. She told me two months after Jude was born, she never wanted to burden you. The delayed treatment allowed it to metastasize from her right ovary to her lung. She has been having chemo but it's not having any effect. She started a new intensive course last week. She has her next dose in 3 days. It would be really nice if you could be there............ She needs you"

With this he headed towards the door, nothing more to be said.

For nothing would mean anything anymore.


	15. Chapter 15

**I am sorry that so many of you are upset and i am particularly upset at the lost of IloveHLaurie who has been here from the start. I had already written this story and debated changing the ending but in the end i decided to keep the original as it was written from the heart. I hope i gave you enough warning. Thank you to everyone who has decided to stay with me, i hope i can do you justice. Hameron forever as always, Nic.**

**15**

He hates the smell of hospitals. He could try and break it in to components but to him, just like everyone else, it is the hospital smell and he hates it because it symbolizes something that he can not fix. He shifts uncomfortably and peers through the glass panels of the door towards the bay where she lays reading. He smiles to himself. His heart swells with pride as he watches her and for a moment he can pretend, pretend that all is how it should be.

It had been one week since Chase's visit, one week since the walls that were crumbling previously had now begun to tumble loudly into all the empty spaces within him. He found her records, poured over them until sleep demanded his attention, until he could remember every word by heart. He shouted at Wilson, incensed by his betrayal, but Wilson had broken down in disbelief. He tried to remember the signs, how fragile and exhausted she had looked, how thin her wrist had been when he had danced with her and how the shadows had lingered in her eyes. He had stood in this doorway, more times than he could count, but he could never make it to her, until now, today he felt strong enough, felt that he had the strength she needed to take from him.

He opened the door and walked towards her bed, cane falling harder than he wished, she looked up towards the sound and he saw the shock in her face and then the immense sorrow. When her tears began to fall he hurried to her, dropping his cane to the floor, and taking her in his arms and whispering in her ear that everything was going to be ok, himself needing to hear the words just as much as she.

XXX

"God that hits the spot" she gasped, enjoying every mouthful of the ice cream he had brought her.

He grinned.

"I believe you've muttered those words to me before, in a much higher pitched squeal of course"

She laughed and he could not help but laugh with her.

"You, have a very dirty mind, anytime, anyplace hey?" She responded, voice low and sultry.

"The way you're licking that spoon we could go right here, right now if you liked, the nurse shouldn't be around for another ten minutes"

He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

She smiled and he saw sadness rise from within her.

"Yeah, I bet I look really hot. All the drips, no hair and everything, who wouldn't want to jump my bones?"

She touched her bandana self consciously and smiled shyly. He leant forward and took her hand.

"Hair or no hair, you're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen"

He held her gaze shyly and was rewarded by a smile that made his heart skip.

"If you become hooked on morphine though I'd have to draw the line, I could never be with an addict"

She laughed deeply now, nearly dropping her spoon and he grinned proudly. He noticed her eyes flick over his shoulder and she smiled broadly and began to wave. He turned to see the focus of her attention and was met with the sight of Chase carrying Jude towards them.

He took his breath away.

House was amazed at how much he'd grown; wearing jeans and blue shirt, brown hair swept to the side and long lashes now framing his deep blue eyes. He was smiling happily and it made house smile to. As they drew closer Cameron put her ice cream on the side and raised her hands to take Jude in her arms. He gurgled contently as she kissed him on the lips. Chase leaned in and kissed her on the cheek.

House rose and felt Cameron's warm hand grab his.

"You don't have to go, you could sit with us" Her tone was hopeful.

He squeezed her hand gently.

"I've got lots of patients to offer their last conjugal visit to. My work is never done. I'll stop by tomorrow ok?"

She nodded softly and released his hand. He nodded at Chase before stealing one more look at Cameron and his son before heading towards the exit, shoulders as heavy as Atlas himself.


	16. Chapter 16

**16**

He sat, feet up on his desk. Flipping through the messages and photos on his phone, reliving a life where just for a moment he had reached the hallowed ground of perfection. He flicked back to the main screen and smiled proudly at the picture of his son, the most perfect thing he had ever created. I had been a month since he had began visiting her and he had began to feel that maybe just maybe he didn't have to be a stranger to this world. Wilson entered then and House quickly put his phone into his pocket and stood up.

"Sit House" His voice was serious.

"No role playing now Wilson, I've got plans, call me later though and you might get lucky"

"House"

House heard the pain in Wilson's voice and sat back down, confusion gathering in his features. Wilson sat opposite him.

"Are you going to see Cameron later?"

House's heart suddenly began to thunder and he felt his mouth go dry.

"You know that I am. What's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry House"

"Sorry for what, tell me what's wrong. Is she ok?"

He stood up, panic rising within.

"The chemo's not working House. The cancer has fully metastasised to the lower lobe of her right lung and we now know that it has metastasised to her blood. She has decided she doesn't want any more treatment House"

House shook his head furiously, pacing now.

"There must be something else you can do, remove the lobe, a new course of chemo......."

The firmness of Wilson's voice stopped him.

"No House, she's made her decision. No more treatment. She wants to go home to die"

XXX

"You can come closer. I don't bite" Her voice was playful but he could hear the exhaustion within.

"Well that's a lie and you know it" He tried to return her playful tone but failed, voice breaking softly.

"Chase said that you had been by a few times, while I was sleeping" She shifted uncomfortably, and sat up.

"Well I couldn't have you awake. Do you know how annoying your voice is?"

She laughed but it was punctuated with a painful cough that made his heart break.

He laid his cane against the bed and took the chair closest to her, pulling it as close to the bed as he could until he could reach her hand easily. He took it gently running his thumb over her knuckles before raising it to his lips and kissing it softly.

"You never wore a ring. I remember that now"

She smiled, and ran her finger tenderly over his lips.

"It was never about a ring"

He kissed her finger tip softly and lowered her hand to the bed.

"So, how you doing kid?"

He tried to make himself sound light hearted but he could hear the emotion in his voice.

"Today is a good day"

"And the other days?"

"Let's not talk about the other days. Tell me what's been going on, do you have a case?"

Her tone was hopeful and he understood her pleading. Today was a good day. Let her enjoy it.

"Nope, But I solved one, Lupus"

She shook her head and laughed, another cough intruding.

"It's never Lupus"

"You're right. But I have a Lupus story that is a lot cooler"

She smiled and nodded her head, indulging him like she always had done and always would.

And so they spoke, excitedly, eagerly, savouring every minute, every word. Today was a good day. The bad days were locked away and he would shield them from her until he collapsed under there weight.

Today was a good day and that was all that mattered.


	17. Chapter 17

**The poem is by Elizabeth Barrett Browning and is called How do i love thee?**

**17**

**Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation-Kahlil Gibran**

He knew it the moment he saw her, knew that her life was slowly slipping through out every pore within her, taken by a power that needed her more. Her once bright eyes, even through their darkest hours, no longer held the light that could chase away every shadow. It was dimmer now, slowly being over powered by the shadows it once dispersed with ease. And when she raised her head from Jude's and looked at him he knew she could see his light leaving to. He reached her and watched her shift painfully under the weight of their sleeping son.

He leant forward; drawing on an instinct that he did not think existed within him, and lifted his son gently from his mother's chest and on to his own. Jude moaned in innate protest but soon settled softly, his warmth as natural to House as the sun rising and setting. Then, instinctively, he gently brushed his hair from his sleeping son's face and smiled to himself.

When he returned his eyes to Cameron she had sat up, frail and slight, and smiled with more energy than he thought she possessed. She leant forward and her lips softly met his. He returned it willingly, craving her touch, a kiss of immense love. He knew then from the very heart of his existence that he was home.

That he had finally come home.

She broke their kiss and relaxed once more into her pillow. He felt her warm fingers lace with his own on his free hand.

"Greg, we need to talk"

He pinned her with a glare.

"Please don't Cameron. Let's not have a conversation where you call me Greg.  
Everything will be ok"

"Greg"

Her grip tightened as much as her strength would allow her

"It will not be ok"

He shook his head and felt tears threatening to flow.

"Greg, look at me, you don't have to hide what you feel from me. You've done far too much of that already. Let me see you cry"

He shook his head, lowering his gaze to Jude.

"I'm not crying because it's going to be ok. You can start treatment again. I will make everything up to you. We could.... " His voice was firm, full of belief.

"Look at me"

Her tone demanded his attention and he could no longer to deny her, raising his gaze from Jude to her once more.

"I'm dying .Please let me talk about what scares me"

He was powerless to refuse her request. He nodded and gripped her hand softly. When she spoke time seemed to stand still.

"I never told you about my parents..."

XXX

An hour had passed. Jude had been taken by Chase more than ten minutes ago and House still had his palm on his chest, missing the warmth of him. He'd seen the redness of Chase's eyes and wondered if his own reflected the same message. He remembered the firm grip on his shoulder as Chase had headed out of the door, Jude still slumbering peacefully but in need of a change. It was a touch of sorrow, pity for a condemned man. He had watched her sleep for the last half an hour, thinking about all the things she had shared with him, in awe of her strength. He watched her, burning every inch of her in to his soul, ready for when the darkness came. She stirred and coughed deeply. He reached for her glass of water and held it to her lips while she took a sip.

"How are you feeling?"

She smiled, ignoring his question and closed her eyes briefly.

"Where's Jude?"

"Chase has taken him. He needed changing"

She opened her eyes once more and reached out for his hand. He took it, squeezing it gently, and began to rummage in his pocket. She sat up delicately, intrigued and gasped in surprise when he produced a small red box.

He smiled at her surprise and handed the box to her shyly. She opened it slowly and stole his heart once more with the smile she gave him.

"I.... I thought you deserved a ring.. It's an eternity..." He explained, shy and nervous, unable to finish his sentence.

She removed the ring from its box, and ran her fingers over the three diamonds that adorned the platinum band, before slowly placing it on her ring finger. When he saw a solitary tear bravely trace a path down her cheek he felt all his strength disperse.

"I'm so sorry Cameron, I'm so sorry..." His voice broke and he hung his head, furiously wiping away the tears that had unwelcoming gathered in his eyes.

He felt her warm hands on his cheeks.

"_Look at me"_

He did ask she asked, and allowed her to raise her face to meet her, giving him strength.

Her thumbs brushed over his eyes, wiping away his tears.

"_You_ gave me our son; don't you _ever_ be sorry for that, _ok?_"

He nodded softly, and she caught his lips. He could taste the salt of his tears and for some unknown reason this made him even more heartbroken.

She broke their kiss, but still held his face.

"Please don't leave me; I can't do this without you....I don't want a life without you"

She smiled now, and he saw a glimpse of the life he used to know within her eyes.

"You can't always get what you want"

XXX

He took her hand in his as gently as could, afraid that it might crumble to the floor like the last falling leaves of autumn outside. It was warm. He almost hadn't expected it to be. He marvelled at how small it looked within his own and ran his thumb over her ring.

How fragile had she become?

She stirred briefly, sleepy eyes opening and closing. She smiled to herself, the sweetest smile he had ever seen and he watched her until her face relaxed once more, until her lips pouted slightly in rest and until her chest began to rise and fall in the rhythm of sleep. Was it possible that he found her more beautiful now than he had ever known?

He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it softly, its warmth finding its way into his soul. He watched the pendant he had given her rise and fall on her chest and he felt his lips begin to shake. He lowered her hand, not releasing it from his own. Then softly, amongst the symphony of the birds and beeping machines, enveloped by the sunlight bathing them both, Gregory House began to speak.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.  
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height  
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.  
I love thee to the level of everyday's  
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.  
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;  
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.  
I love thee with a passion put to use  
In my old grief's, and with my childhood's faith.  
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose  
With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,  
Smiles, tears, of all my life --- and, if God choose,  
I shall but love thee better after death"

And this time, he could not stop the tears from falling.


	18. Chapter 18

**I am sorry that so many of you are upset, angry and disappointed. Your words have surprised me, considering the fic is not finished yet. I always said it would be angst. I don't believe that love can't be profound or infinate because the person is no longer here, i have been there and i know it's not so. Love does not know its own worth until the hour of separation, and people do desparate things that are not always rational. I do not believe that it is not Hameron because she is not here, her love and his love for her changed him and not just momentarily. It will last forever, she will last forever, is that not Hameron to its very core? Thank you for the support of those who have decided to stay with me. Hameron as always, Nic.**

**17**

**The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief-but the pain of grief's only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love-Hilary Stanton Zunin**

The curtains are drawn for no light is welcome here.

No hope will be gained from the beauty of the day, for hope is not welcome here.

No windows are open to invite the sounds of life amongst the darkness; no life is welcome here for life does not exist without her.

Even the bottle of scotch has disappeared under the nearest table, perhaps seeking solace from the pain it was meant to subside. Silent sobs occasionally break the silence-perhaps they to are trying to escape from the pain within.

The doorbell rings but is ignored.

Visitors are not welcome here.

A persistent knocking begins to brave the silence. House stirs, but does not rise. The pain from sleeping in his chair is ignored. He no longer wants his bed. For it was their bed, should have been their bed. The knocking ceases and is replaced by the sound of the key in the lock. The door opens, soft afternoon light cascading willingly through the apartment. House flinches at the intrusion and rises as quickly as he can manage before heading towards the bedroom. Wilson's voice breaks the silence

"House, you need to talk to me"

The bedroom door slams shut and Wilson switches on the light, soft afternoon light replaced by the bright artificial light hanging overhead.

"House, you have to talk to me. You haven't left the apartment since the funeral. We are all worried about you."

The bedroom door opens and House emerges.

"Leave"

His voice is raspy, a voice that has not been used in some time.

He begins routing around for the bottle of scotch, ignoring Wilson's presence all together now.

"You can not blame yourself. Alison would not have wanted this and Jude needs his father"

The explosiveness of House's voice startles him.

"Do not mention their names!"

The bottle smashing against the wall punctuates his sentence, the pieces falling to the floor in a haunting symphony.

"It will get easier House. Each day will get easier"

"It will never be easier. It will never be the same again. Don't you get it? She's gone. She should have been mine. We should have grown old together. Instead I pushed her away. Wasted what time we could have had. She was far too young, too full of life....."

The words falter, they can no longer form in his mouth and he feels tears begin to fall once more.

Wilson's heart stops when he hears Houses painful sobs.

"I...."

"Just go. _Please,_ I beg you"

The words are as final as they are painful.

Wilson no longer feels like a saviour but an intruder on a very private moment.

"Cameron gave me this, the night before she..."

The words stick in Wilson's throat and he suddenly feels that he has not had anything to drink for a very long time. Slowly, he removes a crisp white envelope from his pocket and holds it out before House, who after a moment of hesitation takes it gently. A sad smile falls upon Wilson's lips and he turns to leave, the door closing softly behind him.

House gently turns the envelope in his hand, revealing his name in a hand he knows so well. He feels his heart skip a beat and slowly returns to his chair. He stares at his name for what seems like an eternity before gently breaking the seal and removing the letter. Her pendant falls from within along with the photo he had seen once before in a life that seems like a dream now. He feels the tears swell in his eyes once more as he stares at her, smiling and happy, running his thumb gently over her face as if by doing so he could _really _feel her. He turns the pendant in his hands and is surprised by an inscription on the back,

_To watch over you_.

He smiles and places it gently on his lap. He brings the letter to his lips and is immediately overwhelmed by the smell of her. He closes his eyes and inhales deeply, hoping that the smell of her can fill all the hollow spaces she has left within him. Slowly he unfolds the paper revealing her words in laboured hand, every word a greater effort than the one before. His eyes begin to blur and he wipes away the tears fiercely.

Then he begins to read.

_Dear Greg,_

_If you are reading this letter then I guess I have left this life or you have broken in to Wilson's office, which would not surprise me. There have always been many things I have wanted to say to you but as I lay here now they don't seem important any longer. I could tell you why I married Robert but I know you already understand. I could tell you why I never told you about the cancer but I know my words could never explain. I could tell you that I love you, but I know that you know that as deeply as I know you love me. I could tell you that you were the love of my life, that you always occupied my heart and mind. Did you know that? _

_Know that you made me happy and that I would not have changed our life together for all things. I hope that one day you will be able to tell Jude how much I loved him and how much I loved you. Tell him about all the happy times we had together. Tell him often how he was my sun and moon, all the stars in the sky and my every breath._

_Please don't cry for me. I am no longer in any pain. Smile often for you have a wonderful smile, a gift to receive. Know that you were my one and only, that my love for you and our son filled every empty space within me. That it bathed me in hope during my darkest hours and that it will exist beyond the existence of all. _

_Until you find me,_

_Always yours, forever yours, eternally yours_

_Alison X_

The ink begins to bleed as his tears gently fall on to the page.

Somewhere in the distance a bird begins to sing.


	19. Chapter 19

**Dear my wonderful readers, this is alas the last chapter. I want to thank all of you from the bottom heart for accompanying me on this journey. Whether you have been here from the beginning, left in the middle or returned in the end, I've valued all of you. You have made me want to be a better writer. Have faith; Mulder & Scully, Grissom & Sara, House & Cameron. I have faith and if I ever waver I remember this quote: **_**Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored**_**- Aldous Huxley**

**Hameron forever! As always, Nic**

**20**

**We know what we are, but know not what we may be-Shakespeare**

The sun shines brighter here he is sure.

He is sure that the birdsong is heaven sent.

He is sure that the roses he has laid down are the sweetest he has ever smelt.

His fingers gently trace the letters of her name and he somehow feels closer to her. He leans forward, whispering to her inaudibly, words meant for them and them alone. The breeze gently ruffles the envelope in his hand and he pulls it closer to his chest, reading her name, before placing it under the bunch of roses carefully.

Time does not seem to exist here.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and checks the new messages from Wilson and Chase.

**Are we still meeting at 1PM? I have to collect the cake.**

**Are one year olds scared of clowns? Wilson said yes, what do you think?**

He smiles and checks the time, realising that he has been here for nearly two hours.

The realisation of the pain in his leg confirms this.

He touches the pendant around his neck and smiles before turning to his sleeping son, resting beside him in his car seat, pouting in a way so familiar to him. He adjusts the blanket, tucking the edges in softly and rises awkwardly to his feet, rubbing his thigh absentmindedly.

He raises his fingers to his lips and kisses them softly before placing them on her name once more, whispering a soft _love you. _He leans down and picks up the car seat carefully, then slowly, his heart imperceptibly lighter he starts walking back towards his car.

The falling blossom returning her kiss from heaven.

XXX

_6 years later....._

The bright afternoon sunshine seeps through the windows, basking the living room in a wonderful afternoon glow that accompanies the beautiful chimes of the piano.

Gregory House sits at his piano. His hair is kept short now, kept just the way she said she liked it, but it is greyer than he cares to remember. He wears his favourite band t-shirt, now ironed, and his shoulders seem broader somehow. He stops playing and turns to his son.

"D, then E and then C, ok?"

His voice is soft, encouraging.

Jude Cameron-House nods determinedly and places his fingers above the keys eagerly. House reaches forward and takes his hand, adjusting his fingers slightly.

"D, then E and then C remember"

Jude rolls his eyes playfully and pulls his hands away, eager to go it alone. House leans back and watches his son begin to play, a warmth spreading from the very core of him.

He repeats the piece perfectly and beams proudly at his dad.

" _Smarty pants" _

House announces in mock sarcasm.

Jude laughs infectiously and House can not help but join in.

"Ok, once more and we're done"

"But _dad........." _Jude protests, hands dropping to his side.

"Once more and remember to hold your fingers straight"

Jude nods, giving in and sits up straight, adjusting his posture. He plays the piece once more and when his finishes turns towards House, trying desperately to keep a straight face and conceal his glee.

"Perfect, you are_ far_ too clever"

House states, his voice filled with immeasurable pride.

"As clever as mom was?"

House nods, feeling a lump form in his throat.

"Yes, as clever as mom was"

Jude smiles broader than before, revealing the gap in his front teeth.

"Good" He states proudly.

House reached forward, a tucked an errant strand of hair behind Jude's ear. When he spoke his voice was soft, intimate and full of pride.

"When she used to concentrate on something difficult she would pout her lips just like you do"

Jude's deep blue eyes sparkled.

"Really?"

"Yes" House replied softly.

" Like this?"

Jude asked, puffing his cheeks out before sticking his lips out as far as he could. House laughed, a deep hearty laugh that his son had returned to him many years ago.

"Yes, like that"

Jude laughed to, pleased with himself and House pulled him in, kissing him softly on his forehead and ruffling his hair gently.

"Ok, go get your things or we will be late meeting Wilson"

Jude frowned.

"No dad, it's Uncle James"

"No Jude, it's Wilson. I had him first and he's all mine"

House replied in a purposely whiney voice.

Jude shook his head, serious now, but trying to fight the grin desperate to escape.

"Uncle James said I must call him Uncle James and Uncle Robert, Uncle Robert or I'll end up sounding like you" He announced mischievously, proud of his secret knowledge.

House snorted in disbelief.

"_Well he also says he can sing and we both know that's not true, don't we_?"

House whispered, leaning closer to Jude's ear.

Jude nodded adamantly, grinning widely, pact made.

They were co-conspirators once more.

"That's my boy, now go get your things and make sure you remember your hat and scarf ok"

Jude jumped up and disappeared down the hallway. House smiled, watching him go and stood up slowly, stretching his leg. He turned towards the large picture hanging over the fireplace, a copy of a photo he received not so long ago. He returned her smile affectionately and thanked her silently once more for the gift she had bestowed upon him.

The thundering of Jude's returning footsteps drew his attention.

"Can we make pancakes when we get there?" His voice was excited and breathless.

"Do you want Wilson to kill us, especially after last time?"

A mischievous grin graced both of their faces as the memories flooded back.

"Come on dad, it will be _cool_"

"Is that how I should explain it Wilson? Sorry James, Jude thought it would be_ cool_"

The face House pulled made Jude laugh and he nodded his head adamantly, convinced of their plan.

"Jump up"

House motioned towards the piano stool and Jude climbed up. Pulling Jude's coat together, he zipped it up, tucking his scarf inside and adjusted his hat before gesturing for him to climb back down. House limped over to the table, grabbing his key and wallet.

"Got everything?"

Jude nodded and ran towards the door before stopping and waiting for House to put his coat on.

"Can I have a pancake birthday cake when I turn seven?

House looked up in surprise.

"Your birthday's not for another 6 months right?"

"It's in two weeks" Jude corrected, smiling broadly, he was too old for this game now.

House laughed.

"Kenny had a Batman cake but I think pancakes would be _much_ cooler"

House smiled, wrapping his scarf around his neck and opening the front door.

"Maybe we should check with the dentist, I don't want all your teeth falling out"

"But I have all of my teeth ... cept these two"

Jude protested, grinning broadly and pointing proudly to the new gaps in his smile.

"_See_"

House could not hide the smile that now found its way so easily to his lips, his eyes, his very heart.

"You're right. A pancake birthday cake it is"

"Cool"

Jude beamed before dipping under House's arm and out of the front door.

"Cool"

House beamed back, following after him and pulling the door shut.

The bright winter sunshine greeting them with the infinite promise of things to come.

_The End_

**Until we meet again my friends, it has been a pleasure x**


End file.
